I want to marry Debbie. She’s the best part! Except I’m straight and she’s married! I like understated events too. I love to throw dinner parties in my little apartment. Last weekend I had friends over for farmers market beef hot dogs, homemade fries and cupcakes. But I can’t imagine life without Brussels sprouts! I’m making them tonight.
I definitely won’t serve them when you and Debbie come to one of my parties ! Any other things you don’t eat ? You could write an article about eating teacher style in West Philly.
My reaction to excess is visceral disgust. I don’t give people who favor that lifestyle my attention, which is probably why I’ve never taken to instagram.
Part of this is my horror at exploitation of other people, and great excess is hardly possible without it.
I’ll note that the impulse to show off can be seen throughout the economic spectrum, though of course different in degree. Vulgar displays of wealth look different outside the multi-millionaire and billionaire class. But they exist.
You cannot buy class at any price but a lot of people sure try.
I speak as someone with an ultra-cheap lifestyle, partly from necessity and partly from inclination.
My idea of a really good time is a special meal I’ve prepared myself, thoughtful and interesting people to talk to (yes, artists, writers and musicians are among the best) and a $10 bottle of Cabernet. The ideal venue is my own backyard, where we have created an oasis with our own hands and a lot of free scrap wood — the treehouse is a particularly beautiful place to serve drinks! You cannot buy an evening like that. Even if you rent a luxury treehouse or pay someone to build a really extravagant one for you, you don’t have what we have.
I have bounced between poverty and lower middle class but some of my discomfort with waste feels innate. I don’t think I would change even if a fortune dropped into my hands.
I just don’t like wasted resources. I love antiques because the resources to make them (material and human) should be respected. So nothing in my old house is remotely trendy, certainly not me :)
P.S.: Roasted Brussels sprouts are one of life’s great pleasures!
Well … it depends on how they’re cooked 😎. If they’re steamed, they’re sure not for me, either. But roasted until they’re a teeny bit charred? Or Ottolenghi’s recipe for them with black garlic and tahini sauce?? Maybe that would convince David?? (Then again, I actually do have friends for whom any type of brussel sprout is too sulfuric, so I guess you just have to accept their taste!)
If you want to give the brussels sprouts another try - slice them up and crisp them in olive oil, garlic, caraway, lemon juice and top with a hard cheese of choice. Delicious. Also Aella from Knowingless substack has a good party story posted in early January. Warning-poop subject matter.
We studied “Ozymandias” in AP English and I absolutely fell in love with it. I’m glad you mentioned Debbie’s talent with the rainbow floral arrangements. It’s not only strikingly beautiful but also conveys care and welcome.
I have wealthy relatives who are on the charity event/party circuit in the Sarasota area, and they post photos and locations nonstop on Facebook. Events like that would exhaust me. They don’t look like fun. I’d rather have an understated evening with good food and genuine laughs.
Love the Russ Robert’s quote. While I try not to judge other people’s choices I’m with you on the ick factor. I’m reminded of the uber extravagance of Bezos’ wedding. The yacht that took him to the yacht.
“Do you object to the extravagance or the publicizing of it or both?” — Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn!
I think that’s my reaction to a lot of that kind of stuff. I’m also an introvert and would rather hang out with a couple of people and chat, no matter whether about serious stuff or not.
Just got back from Schacharit at the synagogue. Had wonderful little chats and fun singing with friends during Kiddusch afterwards. Just one of the reasons I go. Give me that over some fancy uncomfortable party any day.
We went to a party with you in 1999 that to our mutual horror included dwarves dressed up as KISS. That was some fin de siècle, dotcom bubble shit right there.
It was, in the Not So Long Ago, that the extravagantly wealthy urbanite walked the streets in an unassuming black coat, made their unassuming purchases in unmarked bags, and perhaps drove an unpretentious early-model German import they were content to let idle on the street. They gave to their charities and took in their films and shows, called it Claret and were glad to enjoy it in a secondhand glass. Conspicuousness has been the watchword of too many new generations of the monied class, and rather than provide quiet aspiration they make a cacophonous wreck of our already contentious culture.
I mean I like a good theme party, but.... From my perspective, the problem is the disconnect and the seeming lack of care about others. Obviously some rich people care tremendously about what is happening and the violence (both economic and phsyical) that people without resources are experiencing. But these kinds of stories may underscore how far removed from one another these populations are and the difficulties of making connections. There is enormous residential segregation and increasingly - rich people live apart from others, in ways that increasingly insular. The purchase of privacy has allowed the ultra-rich create their own channels of movement that are separate from others, whether it is in transportation or even just shopping. The cultural commons and the daily exchange are disappearing, for the worse in my opinion.
This may be one reason why people are increasingly critical.
The other point, as others have mentioned in the comments, is that when people talk about hating the 1% they hate the policies and legal frameworks that allow and enable such disparities. Don't hate the billionaire, hate the tax code. But it's also hard not to hate the outlier billionaire when it's a very public figure like Elon Musk who has $430 billion in wealth and actively decimated the federal workforce and would strip people of benefits.
Back to theme parties, this summer I read Mean Moms, which was a very fun read and it was all about theme parties and private schools on the UES. Another caricature, but entertaining.
Thanks Allison. I agree that there's insularity, which is bad. But when the extravagance is trumpeted in social media, we get IRL insularity with social media transparency. of extravagance. It's the worst of both worlds.
I feel like the world is so dark and scary and sad these days, and if something brings people joy and amusement and a break from reality…that makes me happy for them. Ostentatious and obnoxious or not. People are people. The way they party is often not a reflection of the whole person, and even if it was…there’s still a much needed release being provided to people who deserve it as much as anyone else.
I get what you’re saying - that the excess is what’s being celebrated in a grotesque way. And for sure, it is. But it’s all relative in a sense. We live in dark times. Any little bit of light can be a good thing.
I hear you, but poverty and greed and suffering don’t go away by other people living in performative austerity. Not having or publicizing obnoxious parties won’t take away the suffering of anyone. The two exist in tandem, always. And I tend to think that when people are happy and enjoying themselves and feeling abundant and validated, they are more likely to be generous. Maybe that’s not the ideal moral posture, but psychologically it’s sound.
I agree - that’s what makes charity auctions so successful - and I would think there would be some kind of fundraising element to this? Even the Bezos wedding made a gesture towards philanthropy.
In any case this reminded me a lot of Gilded Age parties, which were extremely extravagant (maybe even more so on an adjusted basis) and were also justified by their economic stimulus.
I’m not calling for performative austerity, but I find it incomprehensible that we are in a world of such disparity. People can enjoy themselves without Gatsby-esque excess.
Credit to the writer Emma Rosenblum.
Loved that book!
I want to marry Debbie. She’s the best part! Except I’m straight and she’s married! I like understated events too. I love to throw dinner parties in my little apartment. Last weekend I had friends over for farmers market beef hot dogs, homemade fries and cupcakes. But I can’t imagine life without Brussels sprouts! I’m making them tonight.
Yes. We need a Debbie appearance or an interview with her. 🙏🏻
They don't sit well in my stomach. So I have an unreasonable grudge against them.
I definitely won’t serve them when you and Debbie come to one of my parties ! Any other things you don’t eat ? You could write an article about eating teacher style in West Philly.
some people “fly” too close to the sun
My reaction to excess is visceral disgust. I don’t give people who favor that lifestyle my attention, which is probably why I’ve never taken to instagram.
Part of this is my horror at exploitation of other people, and great excess is hardly possible without it.
I’ll note that the impulse to show off can be seen throughout the economic spectrum, though of course different in degree. Vulgar displays of wealth look different outside the multi-millionaire and billionaire class. But they exist.
You cannot buy class at any price but a lot of people sure try.
I speak as someone with an ultra-cheap lifestyle, partly from necessity and partly from inclination.
My idea of a really good time is a special meal I’ve prepared myself, thoughtful and interesting people to talk to (yes, artists, writers and musicians are among the best) and a $10 bottle of Cabernet. The ideal venue is my own backyard, where we have created an oasis with our own hands and a lot of free scrap wood — the treehouse is a particularly beautiful place to serve drinks! You cannot buy an evening like that. Even if you rent a luxury treehouse or pay someone to build a really extravagant one for you, you don’t have what we have.
I have bounced between poverty and lower middle class but some of my discomfort with waste feels innate. I don’t think I would change even if a fortune dropped into my hands.
I just don’t like wasted resources. I love antiques because the resources to make them (material and human) should be respected. So nothing in my old house is remotely trendy, certainly not me :)
P.S.: Roasted Brussels sprouts are one of life’s great pleasures!
You don't like brussel sprouts?
I, too, am in disbelief.
Well … it depends on how they’re cooked 😎. If they’re steamed, they’re sure not for me, either. But roasted until they’re a teeny bit charred? Or Ottolenghi’s recipe for them with black garlic and tahini sauce?? Maybe that would convince David?? (Then again, I actually do have friends for whom any type of brussel sprout is too sulfuric, so I guess you just have to accept their taste!)
They’re my favorite. I’ll eat them any old way.
I'm going to be canceled for dissing Brussels Sprouts! I really hit a gastronomic nerve!
I’m past the age where I cancel people 😂
If I ever visit you in the city, I’m bringing them to your apartment.
Since Brussel sprouts disagree with you. You have every right to skip them in favor of other foods you can enjoy. People's body chemistry varies.
If you want to give the brussels sprouts another try - slice them up and crisp them in olive oil, garlic, caraway, lemon juice and top with a hard cheese of choice. Delicious. Also Aella from Knowingless substack has a good party story posted in early January. Warning-poop subject matter.
Thanks Stephanie!
We studied “Ozymandias” in AP English and I absolutely fell in love with it. I’m glad you mentioned Debbie’s talent with the rainbow floral arrangements. It’s not only strikingly beautiful but also conveys care and welcome.
Thanks Julie.
I have wealthy relatives who are on the charity event/party circuit in the Sarasota area, and they post photos and locations nonstop on Facebook. Events like that would exhaust me. They don’t look like fun. I’d rather have an understated evening with good food and genuine laughs.
I'm with you.
I kind of figured. I prefer connecting with people instead of a circuit of small-talk events.
Love the Russ Robert’s quote. While I try not to judge other people’s choices I’m with you on the ick factor. I’m reminded of the uber extravagance of Bezos’ wedding. The yacht that took him to the yacht.
I used to love Brussels sprouts but they’ve been overdone. I’ve moved on to heirloom carrots in fancy concoctions.
I can get behind carrots!
There is something that seems so hollow about people who go to these great lengths to show and prove they are happy & fun. I'm almost sad for them.
I think I object much more to publicizing extravagance than to being extravagant.
I agree Monica.
“Do you object to the extravagance or the publicizing of it or both?” — Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn!
I think that’s my reaction to a lot of that kind of stuff. I’m also an introvert and would rather hang out with a couple of people and chat, no matter whether about serious stuff or not.
Just got back from Schacharit at the synagogue. Had wonderful little chats and fun singing with friends during Kiddusch afterwards. Just one of the reasons I go. Give me that over some fancy uncomfortable party any day.
Makes sense to me, Elizabeth.
We went to a party with you in 1999 that to our mutual horror included dwarves dressed up as KISS. That was some fin de siècle, dotcom bubble shit right there.
You have to email and remind me. I can't recall the event. All I can think if is Ione of the party scenes in the movie Wolf of Wall Street.
It was, in the Not So Long Ago, that the extravagantly wealthy urbanite walked the streets in an unassuming black coat, made their unassuming purchases in unmarked bags, and perhaps drove an unpretentious early-model German import they were content to let idle on the street. They gave to their charities and took in their films and shows, called it Claret and were glad to enjoy it in a secondhand glass. Conspicuousness has been the watchword of too many new generations of the monied class, and rather than provide quiet aspiration they make a cacophonous wreck of our already contentious culture.
I like that phrase, Eric: "cacophonous wreck of our already contentious culture."
I mean I like a good theme party, but.... From my perspective, the problem is the disconnect and the seeming lack of care about others. Obviously some rich people care tremendously about what is happening and the violence (both economic and phsyical) that people without resources are experiencing. But these kinds of stories may underscore how far removed from one another these populations are and the difficulties of making connections. There is enormous residential segregation and increasingly - rich people live apart from others, in ways that increasingly insular. The purchase of privacy has allowed the ultra-rich create their own channels of movement that are separate from others, whether it is in transportation or even just shopping. The cultural commons and the daily exchange are disappearing, for the worse in my opinion.
This may be one reason why people are increasingly critical.
The other point, as others have mentioned in the comments, is that when people talk about hating the 1% they hate the policies and legal frameworks that allow and enable such disparities. Don't hate the billionaire, hate the tax code. But it's also hard not to hate the outlier billionaire when it's a very public figure like Elon Musk who has $430 billion in wealth and actively decimated the federal workforce and would strip people of benefits.
Back to theme parties, this summer I read Mean Moms, which was a very fun read and it was all about theme parties and private schools on the UES. Another caricature, but entertaining.
Thanks Allison. I agree that there's insularity, which is bad. But when the extravagance is trumpeted in social media, we get IRL insularity with social media transparency. of extravagance. It's the worst of both worlds.
I feel like the world is so dark and scary and sad these days, and if something brings people joy and amusement and a break from reality…that makes me happy for them. Ostentatious and obnoxious or not. People are people. The way they party is often not a reflection of the whole person, and even if it was…there’s still a much needed release being provided to people who deserve it as much as anyone else.
I get what you’re saying - that the excess is what’s being celebrated in a grotesque way. And for sure, it is. But it’s all relative in a sense. We live in dark times. Any little bit of light can be a good thing.
I'm not against the extravagance, even though it may not fit my tastes. It's the posting and publicity of it that irks me.
It’s a light that to my mind illuminates greed and vulgarity and further casts real suffering and poverty in shadow.
I hear you, but poverty and greed and suffering don’t go away by other people living in performative austerity. Not having or publicizing obnoxious parties won’t take away the suffering of anyone. The two exist in tandem, always. And I tend to think that when people are happy and enjoying themselves and feeling abundant and validated, they are more likely to be generous. Maybe that’s not the ideal moral posture, but psychologically it’s sound.
I agree - that’s what makes charity auctions so successful - and I would think there would be some kind of fundraising element to this? Even the Bezos wedding made a gesture towards philanthropy.
In any case this reminded me a lot of Gilded Age parties, which were extremely extravagant (maybe even more so on an adjusted basis) and were also justified by their economic stimulus.
I’m not calling for performative austerity, but I find it incomprehensible that we are in a world of such disparity. People can enjoy themselves without Gatsby-esque excess.