I read the book a few weeks ago and my first reaction was how brave Belle was/is to share such a painful experience. I’m sure it was therapeutic to write about it - and she got a lot of flak from other “rich people” who thought that airing her dirty laundry was in poor taste, caused harm to her children, etc. It does take courage/guts to open yourself up like that. I agree that once you have money, there is a fear of losing it. And inherited money, even more so. As you said it is a gift - usually from the generation who worked very hard to make that money. The actual dollar amount of her trust is a moot point (to me) - the way her husband abandoned her and their kids was the most egregious part of the story. How do people turn on a dime like that? He did harm to the kids, not her (by telling the story). Anyway, great essay as usual - and I’m glad you called Kat out.
If „bad“ things happen to every day people like an accident then most Americans may lose their cars, houses etc.. for example 57% to 59% of Americans report they do not have sufficient liquidity in savings to cover such a $1000 expense without taking on debt.. so when someone talks about their finances in relation to events that would cause most average Americans to go into debt and has the means to easily financially recover from said event then maybe there is no sympathy for that person from the „average“ American..
Excellent article as always. It’s just mean and silly to hate on this woman. It’s like if I said that your struggles have no meaning because your car has air conditioning and mine does not. Having known quite a few people who were well off financially on the surface, I know they often struggled with fear of being unable to keep up their wealth. I have a friend who would be penniless if god wife left him. Another who has two kids in elite colleges and is the sole provider. One who contemplated suicide when his business almost tanked while he had two kids in private schools and an expensive wife. I have approximately $3000 total to my name right now and I am so relaxed because it’s the most cash I’ve had in years, with more coming in from a steady wonderful lined up summer job. There are mice in the walls of my one bedroom apartment and I’ll deal with that, but my overall stress is low compared to my well off friends. More important:: I know I can survive. I’ve been fired from a job with no savings or healthcare and I bounced. I’ve been evicted from my apartment while I was on a ventilator in an ICU and lost my voice so I could not work. I bounced then climbed. (And got my apartment back so no legal eviction- my landlords at the time were a bit irrational and had no legal case but could have made life impossible for me.). Having survived a lot I know I can, which gives me the courage to try things that my friends can’t. Still, insecurity is horrible. At any level. The rich have burdens (no pun intended though it can’t be helped) that others choose not to try to understand. I’m now interested in reading the book and may see if the library has it.
I haven't read the book but look forward to doing so. What I've read about the book and your article here reinforce my belief that most would be well served by parents, advisors, and schooling who educate all of us in what is essentially another language - money - while we are young. That education, basic at first, would grow in complexity with maturity. When any woman (and sometimes a man) gets to midlife with a typical amount of financial illiteracy, they are understandably confused and upset to have to learn it during a time of grief like divorce or widowhood. Girls in particular are not socialised to even speak about money meaningfully. I spent 34 years working out the financial piece of high net worth divorce settlements for mostly women. There is an insulting attitude that pervades most settlement discussions as recently as 2024 when I retired which includes, "she has enough" to determine what she gets from what they earn, owe, and own. But then there's still that other one that characterizes them splitting 'his' money. It won't change until we change the way we bring kids (and again, particularly girls) up to include a solid understanding of how money, business, and to some extent family law work. If you're going to get married, these are basics . . . . Also, many attorneys do not know money well especially when you're dealing with the merely rich or lower. Get a competent ethical financial pro trained in divorce divisions to articulate mathmatically other contributions to the marriage, to visually show how the settlement will or will not work for the person who has to live with it after and get them to testify if necessary. Thanks for an article that touches on these things!
This is so interesting to me, David, and very well written.
It’s amazing to me how us, “normal people” have vilified any one of wealth, inherited or, ahem, the new money set. (Note: I desperately aspire to be the latter; there’s no former.)
As someone on the other side, I think it simply boils down to jealousy. We modern day humans are not that dissimilar from our ancestors cheering the beheading of the elite in the town square… or the crabs that kill the single one for trying to escape the bucket.
I’m so fascinated by this rich vs poor mentality that nearly borders on violent, a year ago I started a quarterly seminar called, “Wine, Women & Wealth.” It’s exactly what it sounds like: I invite financial experts to offer tips and insights to women looking to empower themselves and their financial futures. It’s been a tremendous success, because, as I say only slightly tongue-in-cheek, being poor is boring. Anyway, I loved Belle Burden’s book, and wealthy or poor, or somewhere in the middle, the unravelling of a life is terrifying and no one deserves the pain of navigating betrayal. I highlighted many passages and plan to use it during the next WW&W event. Love her or loathe her, at the very least she has started an important conversation about women and financial control. I’m just sorry the townsfolk with the pitchforks and torches can’t see that.
I read the book in one day. I am so glad she had the courage to tell her story. Set her privilege aside - she was abused by a man she fully trusted and whom she thought loved her. For any woman to criticize her is hateful and patriarchal. Her pain and story is real, and this abuse happens to women of all levels of wealth. Why aren’t these “journalists” jumping in with a “hit piece” on her ex-husband? Thank you, David, for your essay. I come from middle class, middle America, and I found her book compelling and your essay an informative peek into the financial fears of the wealthy. That being said, I do think it is easy and just to criticize the billionaire class in America when so many are struggling to pay for healthcare (this is a totally separate topic from Belle Burden’s book).
As a person who spent his prime money making years caring for a son and making $32,000 per year, plus benefits, I just don't understand any of this. Even having the time to write a memoir is a luxury I do not understand, though I earned an MFA in nonfiction from a highly ranked university, won a major prize before graduating, signed with a New York agency, and was expected to write and only write by my mentors and peers. I do not understand how clueless a person has to be not to appreciate the leg up money gives them. We all have family issues. Divorces, neglectful or abusive parents, etc. Everyone in my income bracket who has ever hoped to write a memoir will never go through any life trauma without also having to earn (barely) a living wage, the process of which sucks time we will never get back, time that could be used to process trauma through writing. I will never pay off all of my student loans. I don't understand. I just can't. A fair number of students in my program came from money, and had I understood why, I would not have pursued the MFA. Money buys you time. Working steals your time. To be able to buy back what otherwise would be stolen through work would be heaven. To be able to feed yourself and anyone else in your orbit without working? I really don't want to indict all wealthy people--maybe--but a famous author asked for advice about how to find the time to write answered, quite frankly: "marry well."
Thank you for your perspective, David! I was puzzled by all the claims that Belle 'lied', but most of all the one about the stepmother's trust, as that's easy enough to understand. If you don't get money until someone dies, and they are still alive... you don't have that money.
No one bought the book unaware that Belle comes from a famous and wealthy family. It was the fact that she thought that fame and wealth meant she was 'safe', and she wasn't, was the story.
Many have questioned why/how the New Yorker article was written, and that it was done with help from the ex, but the fact that you can't readily access the divorce docs is 'interesting'.
Also that a man with children would buy a new apartment without room for them is devastating.
David, thank you for your article. Once again, you’ve grabbed me, which I like and respect, so I will respond. I have previously read and thought long about both Strangers and Ms. Winter’s article. I can’t fully agree with you. Yes, I agree we can all feel financially insecure no matter our level of wealth (although that would be a difficult sell to many understandably). However, I agree with Ms. Winter that the idea of being a victim is overplayed. Given the level of legal education and experience, either some naïveté or negligence was involved, and in the end she is left with more than most can even imagine. Sad, yes. Unfortunate, yes. Innocent, no. Victim, no. I think that’s what Ms. Winter is saying. And I agree with her.
I read the book a few weeks ago and my first reaction was how brave Belle was/is to share such a painful experience. I’m sure it was therapeutic to write about it - and she got a lot of flak from other “rich people” who thought that airing her dirty laundry was in poor taste, caused harm to her children, etc. It does take courage/guts to open yourself up like that. I agree that once you have money, there is a fear of losing it. And inherited money, even more so. As you said it is a gift - usually from the generation who worked very hard to make that money. The actual dollar amount of her trust is a moot point (to me) - the way her husband abandoned her and their kids was the most egregious part of the story. How do people turn on a dime like that? He did harm to the kids, not her (by telling the story). Anyway, great essay as usual - and I’m glad you called Kat out.
If „bad“ things happen to every day people like an accident then most Americans may lose their cars, houses etc.. for example 57% to 59% of Americans report they do not have sufficient liquidity in savings to cover such a $1000 expense without taking on debt.. so when someone talks about their finances in relation to events that would cause most average Americans to go into debt and has the means to easily financially recover from said event then maybe there is no sympathy for that person from the „average“ American..
Excellent article as always. It’s just mean and silly to hate on this woman. It’s like if I said that your struggles have no meaning because your car has air conditioning and mine does not. Having known quite a few people who were well off financially on the surface, I know they often struggled with fear of being unable to keep up their wealth. I have a friend who would be penniless if god wife left him. Another who has two kids in elite colleges and is the sole provider. One who contemplated suicide when his business almost tanked while he had two kids in private schools and an expensive wife. I have approximately $3000 total to my name right now and I am so relaxed because it’s the most cash I’ve had in years, with more coming in from a steady wonderful lined up summer job. There are mice in the walls of my one bedroom apartment and I’ll deal with that, but my overall stress is low compared to my well off friends. More important:: I know I can survive. I’ve been fired from a job with no savings or healthcare and I bounced. I’ve been evicted from my apartment while I was on a ventilator in an ICU and lost my voice so I could not work. I bounced then climbed. (And got my apartment back so no legal eviction- my landlords at the time were a bit irrational and had no legal case but could have made life impossible for me.). Having survived a lot I know I can, which gives me the courage to try things that my friends can’t. Still, insecurity is horrible. At any level. The rich have burdens (no pun intended though it can’t be helped) that others choose not to try to understand. I’m now interested in reading the book and may see if the library has it.
I haven't read the book but look forward to doing so. What I've read about the book and your article here reinforce my belief that most would be well served by parents, advisors, and schooling who educate all of us in what is essentially another language - money - while we are young. That education, basic at first, would grow in complexity with maturity. When any woman (and sometimes a man) gets to midlife with a typical amount of financial illiteracy, they are understandably confused and upset to have to learn it during a time of grief like divorce or widowhood. Girls in particular are not socialised to even speak about money meaningfully. I spent 34 years working out the financial piece of high net worth divorce settlements for mostly women. There is an insulting attitude that pervades most settlement discussions as recently as 2024 when I retired which includes, "she has enough" to determine what she gets from what they earn, owe, and own. But then there's still that other one that characterizes them splitting 'his' money. It won't change until we change the way we bring kids (and again, particularly girls) up to include a solid understanding of how money, business, and to some extent family law work. If you're going to get married, these are basics . . . . Also, many attorneys do not know money well especially when you're dealing with the merely rich or lower. Get a competent ethical financial pro trained in divorce divisions to articulate mathmatically other contributions to the marriage, to visually show how the settlement will or will not work for the person who has to live with it after and get them to testify if necessary. Thanks for an article that touches on these things!
This is great thank you.
The reporting on wealth mirrors the reporting on billionaires paying taxes.
This is so interesting to me, David, and very well written.
It’s amazing to me how us, “normal people” have vilified any one of wealth, inherited or, ahem, the new money set. (Note: I desperately aspire to be the latter; there’s no former.)
As someone on the other side, I think it simply boils down to jealousy. We modern day humans are not that dissimilar from our ancestors cheering the beheading of the elite in the town square… or the crabs that kill the single one for trying to escape the bucket.
I’m so fascinated by this rich vs poor mentality that nearly borders on violent, a year ago I started a quarterly seminar called, “Wine, Women & Wealth.” It’s exactly what it sounds like: I invite financial experts to offer tips and insights to women looking to empower themselves and their financial futures. It’s been a tremendous success, because, as I say only slightly tongue-in-cheek, being poor is boring. Anyway, I loved Belle Burden’s book, and wealthy or poor, or somewhere in the middle, the unravelling of a life is terrifying and no one deserves the pain of navigating betrayal. I highlighted many passages and plan to use it during the next WW&W event. Love her or loathe her, at the very least she has started an important conversation about women and financial control. I’m just sorry the townsfolk with the pitchforks and torches can’t see that.
I read the book in one day. I am so glad she had the courage to tell her story. Set her privilege aside - she was abused by a man she fully trusted and whom she thought loved her. For any woman to criticize her is hateful and patriarchal. Her pain and story is real, and this abuse happens to women of all levels of wealth. Why aren’t these “journalists” jumping in with a “hit piece” on her ex-husband? Thank you, David, for your essay. I come from middle class, middle America, and I found her book compelling and your essay an informative peek into the financial fears of the wealthy. That being said, I do think it is easy and just to criticize the billionaire class in America when so many are struggling to pay for healthcare (this is a totally separate topic from Belle Burden’s book).
As a person who spent his prime money making years caring for a son and making $32,000 per year, plus benefits, I just don't understand any of this. Even having the time to write a memoir is a luxury I do not understand, though I earned an MFA in nonfiction from a highly ranked university, won a major prize before graduating, signed with a New York agency, and was expected to write and only write by my mentors and peers. I do not understand how clueless a person has to be not to appreciate the leg up money gives them. We all have family issues. Divorces, neglectful or abusive parents, etc. Everyone in my income bracket who has ever hoped to write a memoir will never go through any life trauma without also having to earn (barely) a living wage, the process of which sucks time we will never get back, time that could be used to process trauma through writing. I will never pay off all of my student loans. I don't understand. I just can't. A fair number of students in my program came from money, and had I understood why, I would not have pursued the MFA. Money buys you time. Working steals your time. To be able to buy back what otherwise would be stolen through work would be heaven. To be able to feed yourself and anyone else in your orbit without working? I really don't want to indict all wealthy people--maybe--but a famous author asked for advice about how to find the time to write answered, quite frankly: "marry well."
Thank you for your perspective, David! I was puzzled by all the claims that Belle 'lied', but most of all the one about the stepmother's trust, as that's easy enough to understand. If you don't get money until someone dies, and they are still alive... you don't have that money.
No one bought the book unaware that Belle comes from a famous and wealthy family. It was the fact that she thought that fame and wealth meant she was 'safe', and she wasn't, was the story.
Many have questioned why/how the New Yorker article was written, and that it was done with help from the ex, but the fact that you can't readily access the divorce docs is 'interesting'.
Also that a man with children would buy a new apartment without room for them is devastating.
David, thank you for your article. Once again, you’ve grabbed me, which I like and respect, so I will respond. I have previously read and thought long about both Strangers and Ms. Winter’s article. I can’t fully agree with you. Yes, I agree we can all feel financially insecure no matter our level of wealth (although that would be a difficult sell to many understandably). However, I agree with Ms. Winter that the idea of being a victim is overplayed. Given the level of legal education and experience, either some naïveté or negligence was involved, and in the end she is left with more than most can even imagine. Sad, yes. Unfortunate, yes. Innocent, no. Victim, no. I think that’s what Ms. Winter is saying. And I agree with her.