In the summer of 1984, when I was 22, I was working in NYC and living at my parents’ apartment. At a bar one evening, I met a 27-year-old woman named Debby (not my wife). We had a mutual attraction, we kissed, and in the course of that evening I lied about my age and claimed that I, too, was 27.
I wonder what became of Josef’s children — the “Hapsburg” kids in the city, and also the invisible second family in the Midwest! Also, I wonder where they sourced the gristle they served you in Soho. Guess they didn’t use much of the FBI budget to procure good food.
I had a friend in Junior high. She was an only child and I think she glamorized my life as one of eight - and the fact that I had four older (and as many of my friends at the time thought) “hunky’ brothers. She created a story that she had two older brothers. One was named “Corky” and he had a Porsche. I was over at her house one day and she was regaling me with stories of “Corky” - and by that time, I knew he was a made up brother, but I went along with it. Her mom entered the room and I remember saying something about “Corky” intentionally, to see what her mother did. “Who’s Corky” she asked? “You know mom, my brother Corky…” Her mom got a sad look on her face and didn’t say anything. I felt bad for initiating the question… I never said anything about it to my friend again, but I did catch her in other lies or maybe things she believed to be true. I think it’s an emptiness in people that makes them believe enough to deceive others. As you say, so many of us are wired to believe people. Especially people we know and care about. And yet we judge others who fall for it… I haven’t read Belle Burden’s book yet, but it’s on my list.
I felt 3 main things when reading this,sadness at that young mans fatal attraction to the glitter,then astonishment that YOU got fooled,and also wonder at how the people who carry out these frauds are actually working much harder than they probably would do in an actual job! I've heard so many of these variants now in the course of my life but it's bizarre that they seem to get pulled off as successfully as ever (for a while) in the age of data and apps and search engines and surveillance. But of course if the sponsor of the fraud IS one of the controllers of data that skews the game. It seems to me what saved you from being sucked in and endangering your clients money too is your uncompromising honesty. And your consistent standards. Have I ever been taken in by a con man. Only by myself in a way. When many people are young they see life very much as it's presented in whatever media is about,before films and TV Victorian kitchen maids dreamed of being a music hall star and before that if an orange seller in a dirty,rowdy theatre could become a Kings Mistress,well it wasn't an impossible aspiration! So,aged 17 I did get myself into a bad relationship but had lucky escape at 20. And I realized after that I was trying to make real life conform to idealised,um,ideas from pop songs,films,tv and I think he was too. I've just read a book that incorporates this theme. Its called SNOBS,it's by Julian Fellowes,the creator of Downton Abbey. It analyses entertainingly in the course of the story the subtle markers of our British class system that is not supposed to exist now but everybody knows does.
some people are born with an ability to self deceive. neptunian energies play a large role in this. it takes an inner compass to find your way out. a desire to live for the truest self and not some admired reflection of an illusion. it can be done. miracles happen everyday.
But you could have detected easily and early that sth. must have been wrong with him by his naming, as „(von) Habsburg“ always was written with a ‚b‘ as third letter.
Great article. Getting caught in a con is easy enough, it helps if you hone your skepticism skills. I love that life path tree you show at the end, that is exactly right, life is series of decisions and decision points. People with a stronger inner locus of control have more control over those decisions.
Here is a con that went down in Canada this week, making the news, with a USA connection you may find of interest.
Thanks for sharing your life experience, David. I always thought lying takes too much energy. Zac’s story was first written about (by Patrick Radden Keefe) in the New Yorker in the February 5th, 2024 issue. Fascinating and sad story of the web of lies this young man got caught in. https://share.google/NpLcoZeEK9n7RRqsx
Wait. I’m confused. Josef gave money to Irwin because his kids attended his school but he wasn’t supporting kids back in Michigan? A second family? I am truly intrigued by this story and your set up and pay off were masterful. Have you thought about a novel? The Josef version of Six Degrees of Separation.
I met a son of a hotel heir in Houston cowboy bar and told him I was Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s daughter. I was quite drunk and the next morning decided to maintain that lie. We hung out and then I left to return to New Jersey and after a while wrote to confess the lie. He said he never believed me because I was too real.
An opportunity to cleanse my soul: in my early 60s (15 years ago), I had relaunched my life - a great job at a prestigious university, enrolled in their MBA program Most colleagues and fellow students were in their late 30's, so I fibbed about my children's ages (peers to my "marks") and danced around other backgrounders to "fit in." I'm sure I fooled no one but myself. It was a lesson, a cautionary tale I wrote about in an essay, something along the lines of pretending to be young so long I forgot to grow old. It's had an impact on my life. Fortunately, no one was harmed by my experiment and hubris.
I wonder what became of Josef’s children — the “Hapsburg” kids in the city, and also the invisible second family in the Midwest! Also, I wonder where they sourced the gristle they served you in Soho. Guess they didn’t use much of the FBI budget to procure good food.
I was wondering the same thing. And how did he get them to dress so bizarrely?
thank you. everyone plays their role in human evolution. it is up to the individual to clean their own soul. truth is the soap.
https://time.com/6284913/fbi-confidential-informants/
I had a friend in Junior high. She was an only child and I think she glamorized my life as one of eight - and the fact that I had four older (and as many of my friends at the time thought) “hunky’ brothers. She created a story that she had two older brothers. One was named “Corky” and he had a Porsche. I was over at her house one day and she was regaling me with stories of “Corky” - and by that time, I knew he was a made up brother, but I went along with it. Her mom entered the room and I remember saying something about “Corky” intentionally, to see what her mother did. “Who’s Corky” she asked? “You know mom, my brother Corky…” Her mom got a sad look on her face and didn’t say anything. I felt bad for initiating the question… I never said anything about it to my friend again, but I did catch her in other lies or maybe things she believed to be true. I think it’s an emptiness in people that makes them believe enough to deceive others. As you say, so many of us are wired to believe people. Especially people we know and care about. And yet we judge others who fall for it… I haven’t read Belle Burden’s book yet, but it’s on my list.
Fascinating. Thank you, Dave. I agree, we all get caught. If not by others and at the time, then by ourselves or others later on.
I felt 3 main things when reading this,sadness at that young mans fatal attraction to the glitter,then astonishment that YOU got fooled,and also wonder at how the people who carry out these frauds are actually working much harder than they probably would do in an actual job! I've heard so many of these variants now in the course of my life but it's bizarre that they seem to get pulled off as successfully as ever (for a while) in the age of data and apps and search engines and surveillance. But of course if the sponsor of the fraud IS one of the controllers of data that skews the game. It seems to me what saved you from being sucked in and endangering your clients money too is your uncompromising honesty. And your consistent standards. Have I ever been taken in by a con man. Only by myself in a way. When many people are young they see life very much as it's presented in whatever media is about,before films and TV Victorian kitchen maids dreamed of being a music hall star and before that if an orange seller in a dirty,rowdy theatre could become a Kings Mistress,well it wasn't an impossible aspiration! So,aged 17 I did get myself into a bad relationship but had lucky escape at 20. And I realized after that I was trying to make real life conform to idealised,um,ideas from pop songs,films,tv and I think he was too. I've just read a book that incorporates this theme. Its called SNOBS,it's by Julian Fellowes,the creator of Downton Abbey. It analyses entertainingly in the course of the story the subtle markers of our British class system that is not supposed to exist now but everybody knows does.
Gee, I'm sure glad you got over lying when you were in your early 20s. Nothing is more tiresome than a liar.
some people are born with an ability to self deceive. neptunian energies play a large role in this. it takes an inner compass to find your way out. a desire to live for the truest self and not some admired reflection of an illusion. it can be done. miracles happen everyday.
we also often think others fell for it when others are waiting patiently for the truth to reveal itself. the sun also rises.
Hemingway was an informant. the truth is always in clear sight.
But you could have detected easily and early that sth. must have been wrong with him by his naming, as „(von) Habsburg“ always was written with a ‚b‘ as third letter.
Great article. Getting caught in a con is easy enough, it helps if you hone your skepticism skills. I love that life path tree you show at the end, that is exactly right, life is series of decisions and decision points. People with a stronger inner locus of control have more control over those decisions.
Here is a con that went down in Canada this week, making the news, with a USA connection you may find of interest.
https://quillette.com/2026/05/15/a-deceitful-propaganda-campaign-marketed-as-a-prank/
I plan to read this book!
Thanks for sharing your life experience, David. I always thought lying takes too much energy. Zac’s story was first written about (by Patrick Radden Keefe) in the New Yorker in the February 5th, 2024 issue. Fascinating and sad story of the web of lies this young man got caught in. https://share.google/NpLcoZeEK9n7RRqsx
Yes! I discovered early on lying is not worth the energy. The juggling of stories is overwhelming. Maybe this is when David stopped lying?
Wait. I’m confused. Josef gave money to Irwin because his kids attended his school but he wasn’t supporting kids back in Michigan? A second family? I am truly intrigued by this story and your set up and pay off were masterful. Have you thought about a novel? The Josef version of Six Degrees of Separation.
I met a son of a hotel heir in Houston cowboy bar and told him I was Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s daughter. I was quite drunk and the next morning decided to maintain that lie. We hung out and then I left to return to New Jersey and after a while wrote to confess the lie. He said he never believed me because I was too real.
Loved your piece!
An opportunity to cleanse my soul: in my early 60s (15 years ago), I had relaunched my life - a great job at a prestigious university, enrolled in their MBA program Most colleagues and fellow students were in their late 30's, so I fibbed about my children's ages (peers to my "marks") and danced around other backgrounders to "fit in." I'm sure I fooled no one but myself. It was a lesson, a cautionary tale I wrote about in an essay, something along the lines of pretending to be young so long I forgot to grow old. It's had an impact on my life. Fortunately, no one was harmed by my experiment and hubris.