Poštovana g.djo Liz, čestitke Vam upućujem iz Beograda, Srbije ,koji polako tone u noć posle blistavog dana. Želim Vam, po ovdašnjem oɓičaju, još ovoliko zajedničke ljubavi i života.
I do the AirPods thing too… books, podcasts, sleep stories - and I think my husband also feels neglected. It definitely is a way of isolating. Another example of benefits/harms of technology.
Poštovana, imalo je trenutaka kada sam i ja bio u osećaju izolovanosti dok je moja supruga Tatjana slušala sadržaje koje nisam vednosno podržavao. Mi muškarci tu znamo da budemo nestrpljiva deca. Pravimo kao i g.din David skretanje pažnje na sebe. Sada kada moje Tatjane već punih 10 meseci nema, jer je kod Boga, shvatam koliko je to naše durenje glupo.
I can see you have learned nothing. Whatever goes wrong it is your fault. That is the predicate of all things connubial. To even entertain any ideation to the contrary shows your immaturity. To evolve is to admit the husband is always wrong.
I think Tolstoy's sentiment is true in a general sense. If people or a marriage is happy and healthy, there's not a whole lot to say. Look at your description of years of happy family life. You were home by six most nights, put the kids to bed, spent the weekends out of town together, made love when you could. Not a lot to say.
It's like doing a physical on a generally healthy person. I ask my questions, poke here, swab there, but soon we've moved on to talking about puppies. With an unhealthy or symptomatic person, I have a lot more questions and we don't get to talk about puppies much.
Ah yes, the annual (or perhaps less frequent) row. I don't keep track of them, they are rare – but surprisingly strong. I think why in the world did I ever marry this man,, we won't talk for a few hours and somehow it passes with a little stroke from one, not reciprocated, but eventually reciprocated and before I know it everything is right as rain. Has kept us going for 63 years in ten days! Just keep going.
Ann. Without the least amount of vanity. The one truth in our marriage. My husband was smitten the moment he set eyes on my 27 year old body coming out of a swimming pool. He hasn’t wavered in 46 years.
It depended upon the way times and places. Hope ? Springs eternal . Our amore has had its heights when water was flowing. Aboard our boats . It’s where we have most pleasure
Yes, David, we were married in early June 1963, when you (and Debbie) were, I guess, still learning to walk! But if you are happy after 40+ years, you'll be happy after 60+ years. It just deepens and deepens, especially in situations like now where one of us has a serious new condition (Ray has been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease).
The oldest marriage I knew about was my friend Grace, who was about to celebrate 75 years of marriage, when her husband died at age 97 (and she died recently age 101). She told me at the time that they were dithering about planning a big party because, well, you just didn't know how long you had at age 97.
A good reminder that, even in long and successful marriages, there’s brittleness. I can understand the feeling of being lonely in the same room. Ian listens to a podcast when walking the dog in the morning and is often still listening when he gets in. I wonder why he’s ignoring me, then realise that’s why!
The reverse happens when I’m doing Duolingo practice.
Occasional petulance breaks out, but never lasts long.
Thank you, David--I loved this one, and found myself chuckling multiple times at the truth of it.
Coincidentally, I just wrote a short piece (not yet published) on the topic of long marriage based on the poem "Why I Love Being Married to a Chemist" by Barbara Crooker.
I think you and Debbie will really enjoy this funny and endearing poem found here:
Wow! This is so good!!! Mr. Roberts, what stood out most to me is how your essay shows that a strong marriage isn’t necessarily built on constant analysis, but on years of shared experiences, responsibilities, support, and trust.
The AirPods story resonated with me because I’m guilty of the same thing. There are times when I expect my wife to stop what she’s doing and give me her attention without ever communicating that I need it. When she doesn’t, it’s easy to misinterpret that as distance or rejection.
I think many married couples make this mistake. We sometimes expect our spouse to know exactly what we need in a given moment without us saying it. Your story is a great reminder that some disappointment comes not from a lack of love, but from unspoken expectations.
What I took away most is that after 42 years, the fact that you can still affect each other so deeply isn’t a weakness….it’s evidence of a love that still matters. I love the pictures you chose to share. You both age like fine wine.🍷
AND……Sophie is ridiculously adorable. If she ever goes missing, just know that I stole her. 😊
This is another insightful piece, David. I’d like to watch that show.
You got me thinking. My first husband and I had knock-down, drag-out fights that were almost identical to those my parents had when I was growing up; I guess we repeat what we learn.
My second husband I tread carefully with and knew never to cross, thankfully, or I most likely would’ve ended up dead.
My third husband lets me be who I am. We never fight; funny, that thing called life.
You never know what is behind the walls in people’s homes.
That's true, Joy, about never knowing what's inside a relationship. And sometimes even when you're in the relationship you're flummoxed ,as I was in this case!
Anna Karenina is my third favorite book, behind David Copperfield and Grapes of Wrath, so you broke through this morning. My wife and I have a saying we use fairly frequently - “no one’s dog is perfect” (including ours, and despite what people say). Our marriage isn’t perfect - and we experience both happiness and unhappiness - but when you ask the question: who do you want as your partner for any situation you can imagine, we lock eyes and know the answer without speaking. That’s a profound happiness I bet is shared by many couples.
I agree about marriages and children and people not being perfect. But I'm willing to concede perfection in anyone's dog as an exception that proves the rule.
I think your vulnerability is very moving. It’s so hard to admit to loneliness period and when it’s with another person it can feel pathetic. I find the only person I feel like hanging out with at a party (that lacks a best girlfriend) is my husband. Having said that, this is a later marriage after many other relationships and its main characteristic is serenity after lots of drama. And that’s what this section of my life seems to need. No more Wuthering Heights level turbulence!
I thought of the opening line of Anna Karenina in the early dawn hours today, perhaps influenced by seeing uncle vanya last night. maybe we are moving out of romanticizing our angst. that’s my hope. speaking plainly about the subconscious waters we all swim in can do much to cleanse them. our hearts desire openness. it’s vital actually. even if that openness is a simple vow, moment to moment, to meet the person anew and choose from clarity each day. to be free and to choose to love. longing is something quite common in the bleak countryside of “next year in Moscow”, but what will people do when all the external conditions are met and still there is a hole that isn’t filled with a cherry tree? it comes to be known that all our emotional needs must be met first by ourselves. and then…country and city are good, marriage or not is good, validation or not is good. because it’s an inside job. and that is the painful and freeing truth I’ve learned in relationships.
Our 55th anniversary was yesterday. I can relate. Thanks for putting it into words.
Congrats!
Poštovana g.djo Liz, čestitke Vam upućujem iz Beograda, Srbije ,koji polako tone u noć posle blistavog dana. Želim Vam, po ovdašnjem oɓičaju, još ovoliko zajedničke ljubavi i života.
I do the AirPods thing too… books, podcasts, sleep stories - and I think my husband also feels neglected. It definitely is a way of isolating. Another example of benefits/harms of technology.
Poštovana, imalo je trenutaka kada sam i ja bio u osećaju izolovanosti dok je moja supruga Tatjana slušala sadržaje koje nisam vednosno podržavao. Mi muškarci tu znamo da budemo nestrpljiva deca. Pravimo kao i g.din David skretanje pažnje na sebe. Sada kada moje Tatjane već punih 10 meseci nema, jer je kod Boga, shvatam koliko je to naše durenje glupo.
Mom’s chewing is extremely annoying, but interrupting her mid organization task is crazy! Love, your daughter
😂
Great comment!!!
David-
I can see you have learned nothing. Whatever goes wrong it is your fault. That is the predicate of all things connubial. To even entertain any ideation to the contrary shows your immaturity. To evolve is to admit the husband is always wrong.
I think Tolstoy's sentiment is true in a general sense. If people or a marriage is happy and healthy, there's not a whole lot to say. Look at your description of years of happy family life. You were home by six most nights, put the kids to bed, spent the weekends out of town together, made love when you could. Not a lot to say.
It's like doing a physical on a generally healthy person. I ask my questions, poke here, swab there, but soon we've moved on to talking about puppies. With an unhealthy or symptomatic person, I have a lot more questions and we don't get to talk about puppies much.
I can talk about my puppy endlessly! Thanks for the comment Mary.
Ah yes, the annual (or perhaps less frequent) row. I don't keep track of them, they are rare – but surprisingly strong. I think why in the world did I ever marry this man,, we won't talk for a few hours and somehow it passes with a little stroke from one, not reciprocated, but eventually reciprocated and before I know it everything is right as rain. Has kept us going for 63 years in ten days! Just keep going.
Ann. Without the least amount of vanity. The one truth in our marriage. My husband was smitten the moment he set eyes on my 27 year old body coming out of a swimming pool. He hasn’t wavered in 46 years.
I'm not sure what point you are making. Are you smitten with him, too? I hope so.
It depended upon the way times and places. Hope ? Springs eternal . Our amore has had its heights when water was flowing. Aboard our boats . It’s where we have most pleasure
63, Ann! Debbie and I are still rookies.
Yes, David, we were married in early June 1963, when you (and Debbie) were, I guess, still learning to walk! But if you are happy after 40+ years, you'll be happy after 60+ years. It just deepens and deepens, especially in situations like now where one of us has a serious new condition (Ray has been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease).
The oldest marriage I knew about was my friend Grace, who was about to celebrate 75 years of marriage, when her husband died at age 97 (and she died recently age 101). She told me at the time that they were dithering about planning a big party because, well, you just didn't know how long you had at age 97.
A good reminder that, even in long and successful marriages, there’s brittleness. I can understand the feeling of being lonely in the same room. Ian listens to a podcast when walking the dog in the morning and is often still listening when he gets in. I wonder why he’s ignoring me, then realise that’s why!
The reverse happens when I’m doing Duolingo practice.
Occasional petulance breaks out, but never lasts long.
Thanks fro the comment, Wendy.
Thank you, David--I loved this one, and found myself chuckling multiple times at the truth of it.
Coincidentally, I just wrote a short piece (not yet published) on the topic of long marriage based on the poem "Why I Love Being Married to a Chemist" by Barbara Crooker.
I think you and Debbie will really enjoy this funny and endearing poem found here:
https://www.writersalmanac.org/index.html%3Fp=10957.html
Thanks for the poem, Ann. I liked it a lot.
Wow! This is so good!!! Mr. Roberts, what stood out most to me is how your essay shows that a strong marriage isn’t necessarily built on constant analysis, but on years of shared experiences, responsibilities, support, and trust.
The AirPods story resonated with me because I’m guilty of the same thing. There are times when I expect my wife to stop what she’s doing and give me her attention without ever communicating that I need it. When she doesn’t, it’s easy to misinterpret that as distance or rejection.
I think many married couples make this mistake. We sometimes expect our spouse to know exactly what we need in a given moment without us saying it. Your story is a great reminder that some disappointment comes not from a lack of love, but from unspoken expectations.
What I took away most is that after 42 years, the fact that you can still affect each other so deeply isn’t a weakness….it’s evidence of a love that still matters. I love the pictures you chose to share. You both age like fine wine.🍷
AND……Sophie is ridiculously adorable. If she ever goes missing, just know that I stole her. 😊
Thanks Romell for such a warm comment.
Hearing aids were a great boon after 37 years. BUT they are invisible AirPods and generate different issues.
This is another insightful piece, David. I’d like to watch that show.
You got me thinking. My first husband and I had knock-down, drag-out fights that were almost identical to those my parents had when I was growing up; I guess we repeat what we learn.
My second husband I tread carefully with and knew never to cross, thankfully, or I most likely would’ve ended up dead.
My third husband lets me be who I am. We never fight; funny, that thing called life.
You never know what is behind the walls in people’s homes.
That's true, Joy, about never knowing what's inside a relationship. And sometimes even when you're in the relationship you're flummoxed ,as I was in this case!
Anna Karenina is my third favorite book, behind David Copperfield and Grapes of Wrath, so you broke through this morning. My wife and I have a saying we use fairly frequently - “no one’s dog is perfect” (including ours, and despite what people say). Our marriage isn’t perfect - and we experience both happiness and unhappiness - but when you ask the question: who do you want as your partner for any situation you can imagine, we lock eyes and know the answer without speaking. That’s a profound happiness I bet is shared by many couples.
I agree about marriages and children and people not being perfect. But I'm willing to concede perfection in anyone's dog as an exception that proves the rule.
Scenes From A Marriage undid me!!!
It was very powerful!
The husband sounds terribly immature
Is that in reference to the TV show husband or to me as both are true!
I think your vulnerability is very moving. It’s so hard to admit to loneliness period and when it’s with another person it can feel pathetic. I find the only person I feel like hanging out with at a party (that lacks a best girlfriend) is my husband. Having said that, this is a later marriage after many other relationships and its main characteristic is serenity after lots of drama. And that’s what this section of my life seems to need. No more Wuthering Heights level turbulence!
Thanks Molly. There is a great deal to be said for serenity!
This was so beautiful and lovely. Only the luckiest people in life will have a marriage like yours. What a gift.
Thanks Carson!
❤️❤️❤️
I thought of the opening line of Anna Karenina in the early dawn hours today, perhaps influenced by seeing uncle vanya last night. maybe we are moving out of romanticizing our angst. that’s my hope. speaking plainly about the subconscious waters we all swim in can do much to cleanse them. our hearts desire openness. it’s vital actually. even if that openness is a simple vow, moment to moment, to meet the person anew and choose from clarity each day. to be free and to choose to love. longing is something quite common in the bleak countryside of “next year in Moscow”, but what will people do when all the external conditions are met and still there is a hole that isn’t filled with a cherry tree? it comes to be known that all our emotional needs must be met first by ourselves. and then…country and city are good, marriage or not is good, validation or not is good. because it’s an inside job. and that is the painful and freeing truth I’ve learned in relationships.