I do the AirPods thing too… books, podcasts, sleep stories - and I think my husband also feels neglected. It definitely is a way of isolating. Another example of benefits/harms of technology.
I can see you have learned nothing. Whatever goes wrong it is your fault. That is the predicate of all things connubial. To even entertain any ideation to the contrary shows your immaturity. To evolve is to admit the husband is always wrong.
I think Tolstoy's sentiment is true in a general sense. If people or a marriage is happy and healthy, there's not a whole lot to say. Look at your description of years of happy family life. You were home by six most nights, put the kids to bed, spent the weekends out of town together, made love when you could. Not a lot to say.
It's like doing a physical on a generally healthy person. I ask my questions, poke here, swab there, but soon we've moved on to talking about puppies. With an unhealthy or symptomatic person, I have a lot more questions and we don't get to talk about puppies much.
Ah yes, the annual (or perhaps less frequent) row. I don't keep track of them, they are rare – but surprisingly strong. I think why in the world did I ever marry this man,, we won't talk for a few hours and somehow it passes with a little stroke from one, not reciprocated, but eventually reciprocated and before I know it everything is right as rain. Has kept us going for 63 years in ten days! Just keep going.
A good reminder that, even in long and successful marriages, there’s brittleness. I can understand the feeling of being lonely in the same room. Ian listens to a podcast when walking the dog in the morning and is often still listening when he gets in. I wonder why he’s ignoring me, then realise that’s why!
The reverse happens when I’m doing Duolingo practice.
Occasional petulance breaks out, but never lasts long.
Thank you, David--I loved this one, and found myself chuckling multiple times at the truth of it.
Coincidentally, I just wrote a short piece (not yet published) on the topic of long marriage based on the poem "Why I Love Being Married to a Chemist" by Barbara Crooker.
I think you and Debbie will really enjoy this funny and endearing poem found here:
Wow! This is so good!!! Mr. Roberts, what stood out most to me is how your essay shows that a strong marriage isn’t necessarily built on constant analysis, but on years of shared experiences, responsibilities, support, and trust.
The AirPods story resonated with me because I’m guilty of the same thing. There are times when I expect my wife to stop what she’s doing and give me her attention without ever communicating that I need it. When she doesn’t, it’s easy to misinterpret that as distance or rejection.
I think many married couples make this mistake. We sometimes expect our spouse to know exactly what we need in a given moment without us saying it. Your story is a great reminder that some disappointment comes not from a lack of love, but from unspoken expectations.
What I took away most is that after 42 years, the fact that you can still affect each other so deeply isn’t a weakness….it’s evidence of a love that still matters. I love the pictures you chose to share. You both age like fine wine.🍷
AND……Sophie is ridiculously adorable. If she ever goes missing, just know that I stole her. 😊
This is another insightful piece, David. I’d like to watch that show.
You got me thinking. My first husband and I had knock-down, drag-out fights that were almost identical to those my parents had when I was growing up; I guess we repeat what we learn.
My second husband I tread carefully with and knew never to cross, thankfully, or I most likely would’ve ended up dead.
My third husband lets me be who I am. We never fight; funny, that thing called life.
You never know what is behind the walls in people’s homes.
Our 55th anniversary was yesterday. I can relate. Thanks for putting it into words.
I do the AirPods thing too… books, podcasts, sleep stories - and I think my husband also feels neglected. It definitely is a way of isolating. Another example of benefits/harms of technology.
Mom’s chewing is extremely annoying, but interrupting her mid organization task is crazy! Love, your daughter
David-
I can see you have learned nothing. Whatever goes wrong it is your fault. That is the predicate of all things connubial. To even entertain any ideation to the contrary shows your immaturity. To evolve is to admit the husband is always wrong.
I think Tolstoy's sentiment is true in a general sense. If people or a marriage is happy and healthy, there's not a whole lot to say. Look at your description of years of happy family life. You were home by six most nights, put the kids to bed, spent the weekends out of town together, made love when you could. Not a lot to say.
It's like doing a physical on a generally healthy person. I ask my questions, poke here, swab there, but soon we've moved on to talking about puppies. With an unhealthy or symptomatic person, I have a lot more questions and we don't get to talk about puppies much.
Ah yes, the annual (or perhaps less frequent) row. I don't keep track of them, they are rare – but surprisingly strong. I think why in the world did I ever marry this man,, we won't talk for a few hours and somehow it passes with a little stroke from one, not reciprocated, but eventually reciprocated and before I know it everything is right as rain. Has kept us going for 63 years in ten days! Just keep going.
A good reminder that, even in long and successful marriages, there’s brittleness. I can understand the feeling of being lonely in the same room. Ian listens to a podcast when walking the dog in the morning and is often still listening when he gets in. I wonder why he’s ignoring me, then realise that’s why!
The reverse happens when I’m doing Duolingo practice.
Occasional petulance breaks out, but never lasts long.
Thank you, David--I loved this one, and found myself chuckling multiple times at the truth of it.
Coincidentally, I just wrote a short piece (not yet published) on the topic of long marriage based on the poem "Why I Love Being Married to a Chemist" by Barbara Crooker.
I think you and Debbie will really enjoy this funny and endearing poem found here:
https://www.writersalmanac.org/index.html%3Fp=10957.html
Wow! This is so good!!! Mr. Roberts, what stood out most to me is how your essay shows that a strong marriage isn’t necessarily built on constant analysis, but on years of shared experiences, responsibilities, support, and trust.
The AirPods story resonated with me because I’m guilty of the same thing. There are times when I expect my wife to stop what she’s doing and give me her attention without ever communicating that I need it. When she doesn’t, it’s easy to misinterpret that as distance or rejection.
I think many married couples make this mistake. We sometimes expect our spouse to know exactly what we need in a given moment without us saying it. Your story is a great reminder that some disappointment comes not from a lack of love, but from unspoken expectations.
What I took away most is that after 42 years, the fact that you can still affect each other so deeply isn’t a weakness….it’s evidence of a love that still matters. I love the pictures you chose to share. You both age like fine wine.🍷
AND……Sophie is ridiculously adorable. If she ever goes missing, just know that I stole her. 😊
This is another insightful piece, David. I’d like to watch that show.
You got me thinking. My first husband and I had knock-down, drag-out fights that were almost identical to those my parents had when I was growing up; I guess we repeat what we learn.
My second husband I tread carefully with and knew never to cross, thankfully, or I most likely would’ve ended up dead.
My third husband lets me be who I am. We never fight; funny, that thing called life.
You never know what is behind the walls in people’s homes.