Many years ago, my eleven-year-old son announced he was upset because he had been born into Judaism without anyone asking either his opinion or his permission.
Very interesting for someone like me, who has known very few Jewish people — not one until college, and then I only knew she was Jewish because of one chance comment she made. I’d never otherwise have known. Almost everything I know is from books and movies.
I did attend one Jewish service for a friend’s baby-naming ceremony. My young son whispered to me, “The books are all messed up!”
Identity is complex,and I think it was NEVER simple. I saw a wonderful tv documentary. Two pretty well known actresses that you may know of or one or both of them Maureen Lippmann and Rula Lenska who are great friends in real life went,or were taken to a village in Poland where their ancestors came from. The researchers must have found the link beforehand but the two ladies were told on camera which made fabulous tv of course. Rula knew her family lived in a castle and ruled this area but for the Soviets she would be a Countess. Maureen,a very funny lady,knew her grandparents came from Eastern Europe and landed at Hull in England circa 1920. They were supposed to get on a ship onward to America but either her grandparents thought it was USA or theyd had enough travel so they stayed. So Maureen's roots were a bit more obscure than Rulas. Anyway it turned out that circa 1880 when Rulas ancestor was the Count in the Castle,Maureen's ancestor was the village cobbler in the village below the castle! The same place,two different layers of society. It was very moving and everybody was crying at the end -even us viewers. I think my comment here is a bit off topic but it's what I thought of when I read your essay. My surname Baker means that way back in time,way before I can go back to,I had an ancestor who was The Village Baker. Most people did not have a home oven then. So everybody paid a fee to bake their food in the Bakers oven,the one oven in the village. Thus Bakers circa 1300-1500 had the sort of PR that tax inspectors and estate agents realtors have now. That is a bit dodgy and on the fiddle! There are hundreds of jokes in medieval joke collections about Bakers! People suspected them of taking a knob of dough out of their loaves to make up another one to sell,that would be profit to them (Bakers Dozen = 13). What's in a name indeed?
Good writing David. I feel fiercely Jewish and I am a hypocrite I guess. I have basically never been to temple. I did not have a bar-mitzvah. My wife is Christian. Yet I feel fiercely Jewish, again perhaps mired in some type of fantasy. I admire Israel. It is a democracy. It is unfairly subjected to a swamp of double standards. It is productive. It is socially liberal and stands by rights for women and gays and blacks. It is surrounded by countries that adhere to an unreformed religion that promotes Byzantine ideations and violence. Does supporting Israel mean I am somehow Jewish? I suppose it does not, as that would make people like Douglas Murray Jewish. But I don’t care. I was born Jewish. My mother was one of the leaders of Americans For A safe Israel. I have an incredible affinity for that country. I reject the media narrative and the narratives of liberals(and now many conservatives) that somehow Jews are murderous and unfair to others. I think the hatred for Jews animates political views that are pure and utter lies. Does any of this make me Jewish? Again, no. But my fierce support of this little tiny country makes me feel Jewish. That is what makes me feel Jewish. Not a visit to a temple. Rather, a pride in and admiration for Israel. Many say any feelings are “valid.” I have always thought this to be nonsense in the service of justifying anything or anyone. And yet, fatuously, I guess I feel Jewish because I am so highly convicted in my support for Israel. Advocating for the survival of a people may be part of being those people if you get my drift. Are my feelings here valid? Probably not when viewed through certain prisms, but I feel how I feel. Go Knicks.
You are Jewish! You just choose to express it in a particular way.
There are many Jews who are fiercely opposed to Israel. I like to remind them of the Law of Return, which means that a Jewish person (one grandparent will suffice) can move to Israel at any time. It is something I hope I will never have to use but it gives me great comfort. And it is one reason I have zero time for anyone who says Israel does not have the right to exist as a Jewish state.
Orthodox (Haredi) Jews do not recognize patrilineal descent as sufficient to be considered Jewish. Only matrilineal descent is...kosher. The Haredi also consider the entire Reformed movement to be...un-Jewish.
But having even one Jewish grandparent is sufficient to obtain Israeli citizenship.
So very touching to read of your family’s journey from LES to 5th Ave, by way of Brooklyn. It underscores that Manhattan, small in a geographic sense, has provided unimaginable opportunity, along with hard choices, to so many. I think Samuel would be very proud of you.
First of all, I affirm your conviction that there is a Geiger counter. I have a theory of how it works. The first Jew I ever met was my pediatrician who stuck a glass thermometer up my ass when I was a toddler in 1953. She had a heavy Mittel European accent. My mom told me that she had been sent by her family to the United States as young woman and was the only survivor of the Holocaust.
Because the Jews who arrived in the United States between 1880 and 1955 spent time in each other's company, they developed a shared American/Middle/Eastern European dialect/accent.
The same thing happened with Italian immigrants to America. You can just tell.
I have been the recipient of such recognition in return. I spent five months in Germany in 1997. After about 4 months of studying German, I began to have the capacity to momentarily fool Germans into not recognizing my foreign origin. But this didn't last long. After speaking a critical number of words, I would see a slight widening of their eyes that revealed a subtle alarm. I could all but hear them think the word "Auslander!" (foreigner).
Kathleen, that seems an unpropitious first encounter with a Jewish person! There is a shared vocabulary and intonations of speech even when the accents have faded away. I notice it more as I get older.
Very interesting - one of your best. I think there can be many Geiger Counters as one approaches people, probably more the older one gets. They can be positive, negative or neutral. Could reflect social awareness, intellectual distinctions, financial, religious, etc. We should evaluate the validity of each one as we start to “hear the clicking”!
That's true Doug. and I just replied above that my sense of who is Jewish has gotten sharper as I've gotten older. Perhaps having met more people and then finding out their backgrounds, the older we are the more "reps" we have of correlations.
I love 💕 this one!!! My friends have struggled with various ways of handing their Jewish identity. My college roommate seems the least conflicted. Some have all but denounced their Jewish identity in an attempt to pass as pro-Palestine or whatever. I have two friends who are handsome and successful young Jewish men of 36. One married a Jewish woman in the Reform temple in the suburbs of Philly. I suspect he and his wife are raising their young daughter Jewish. My other friend married a non Jewish British woman. They are not raising their daughter Jewish and I doubt they will do any differently for their son who is on the way. I confess I’m much happier with my friend who married a Jewish woman and whose kids will therefore be Jewish. Since I’m not Jewish I’m sure many would say I should have no opinion and I never would say anything. But I don’t want to see the Jewish people assimilate into oblivion.
Hi April, it’s interesting to me that you say: “Some have all but denounced their Jewish identity in an attempt to pass as pro-Palestine.” Just to offer another perspective, I am a young millennial (proud) Jew who also happens to be ardently Pro-Palestine and I find that stance of mine to be wholly reflective of my Judaism. Not only is it a continuation of my ancestor's Judaism that included strong diasporic/antizionist views (in cleaning out my grandparents’ house, I found a box of Haggadah from the 1920s in which my great grandfather had crossed out every mention of “next year in Israel.” Again this is a very Jewish familial tradition as well, even if his reasons for being antizionist were different from why I am an antizionist,) but it is also very much of the Judaism in which I was raised to question and interrogate everything (particularly injustice and harm) in order to better understand our own beliefs. That was kind of a big thing for Rabbi Hillel, to ask questions and get philosophical to really understand a viewpoint (which I did, and continue to do when it comes to the colonization of Palestine.) Apologies since I know that wasn’t the main point of your comment, I just find that some Jews who are older than I tend to misinterpret why younger Jews actually see pro-Palestinian advocacy as a very Jewish tradition in many ways, rather than a rejection of our Jewishness.
This is such difficult question. I know the historical objections to the State of Israel by the Orthodox, captured so well in the novel The Chosen.
My issue with anti-zionism today is that I cannot imagine and do not want to imagine the Jewish world without a Jewish state of Israel. That's the litmus test for me.
That said, criticism of the Israeli government does not mean one is necessarily anti-semitic. Although I think for many people––I'm not saying you––hatred of Israel becomes indistinguishable from hating Jews. It can be a slippery slope.
Hate Netanyahu and the crazies in his cabinet but do not turn your back on Israel. It will be there for you if ever needed.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! Very interesting story about your great grandfather! As a non Jewish person my support for Israel has to do with support for democracy and Western civilization as well as support for Jewish people in general and specific Israelis in particular. I’ve written extensively about this on my Substack - you’re welcome to check it out if you have time. There’s a lot of other stuff too - cats, tarantulas.
April, I appreciate your thought that assimilation/oblivion would be a loss for the wider world.
There are some Jews who are fiercely anti-zionist. As abby writes below, that does not necessarily mean that they do not identify as Jewish. Some of the most fierce anti-zionists, ever since there was an idea of a Jewish state have been Orthodox Jews.
I think it is existentially important that Israel exist as a Jewish state. But I'm fine with criticisms of the Israeli government and I share some of those critiques.
Totally agree. I do wonder what’s going on when anyone actively supports the terrorists but one can be opposed to the idea of Israel without embracing Hamas.
Debbie says she was raised to celebrate the Jewish holidays and the celebration was focused on the traditional meals. Debbie learned how to bake from her grandmother and I think she's perfected her honey cake, served for Rosh Hosannah. She also turns out a cast and delicious volume of Hamentoschen for Purim. Apricot and prune.
I love your writing, David. I’m excited every time I come here to catch up on a piece. Thank you for this really thoughtful and smart reflection and family history. 🤍
Thank you for ending this sad piece with Larry David. 😂
Powerful letters from Alfred. Thank you for sharing.
My grandparents were forced to change their names. While it wasn’t a choice one might say given the anti semitism Jews were “forced” to change their names.
It was just in the last couple of years my dad learned that his grandfather’s last name was Israel.
So interesting. Many jews changed their name and I it is hard to judge them as we did not walk in their shoes. Still, my sympathies have been with any great grandfather.
David, what a treasure you have in those three letters. Samuel continues to speak through them, today, he is still showing you his heart. You know, it's such a tender human impulse to want to give our children Beauty. And we hope they remember us beautifully, as well. Strong, wholehearted, and faithful. Thank you for this.
p.s. Years ago, as a young nurse, I worked alongside a Jewish woman--a brilliant, kind, and no-nonsense Director of Nursing Services. One day, on her usual rounds through the ICU, she stopped to chat as usual. It was December and I was probably lamenting my many undone Christmas tasks. She said, "Ann, I've decided to put lights on my bushes this year, because though I am a Jew, I am also a very flashy woman." Oh, how we laughed together. She was just the best.
Thanks Ann for both comments. Hanukkah has a tough time competing with Christmas. So your colleague's comment was both funny and very real. We never had a Hanukkah bush. Lots of open flames involved in lighting the menorah.
Very interesting, Thank You.
Why Larry David, who has nothing thoughtful or intelligent to say about Judaism?
Because he’s funny and irreverent.
And fluent in Yiddish.
Just kidding.
Very interesting for someone like me, who has known very few Jewish people — not one until college, and then I only knew she was Jewish because of one chance comment she made. I’d never otherwise have known. Almost everything I know is from books and movies.
I did attend one Jewish service for a friend’s baby-naming ceremony. My young son whispered to me, “The books are all messed up!”
That's a funny comment by your son.
I explained it to him later. That was our only time in a synagogue so not info he’d picked up at his then-young age :)
Identity is complex,and I think it was NEVER simple. I saw a wonderful tv documentary. Two pretty well known actresses that you may know of or one or both of them Maureen Lippmann and Rula Lenska who are great friends in real life went,or were taken to a village in Poland where their ancestors came from. The researchers must have found the link beforehand but the two ladies were told on camera which made fabulous tv of course. Rula knew her family lived in a castle and ruled this area but for the Soviets she would be a Countess. Maureen,a very funny lady,knew her grandparents came from Eastern Europe and landed at Hull in England circa 1920. They were supposed to get on a ship onward to America but either her grandparents thought it was USA or theyd had enough travel so they stayed. So Maureen's roots were a bit more obscure than Rulas. Anyway it turned out that circa 1880 when Rulas ancestor was the Count in the Castle,Maureen's ancestor was the village cobbler in the village below the castle! The same place,two different layers of society. It was very moving and everybody was crying at the end -even us viewers. I think my comment here is a bit off topic but it's what I thought of when I read your essay. My surname Baker means that way back in time,way before I can go back to,I had an ancestor who was The Village Baker. Most people did not have a home oven then. So everybody paid a fee to bake their food in the Bakers oven,the one oven in the village. Thus Bakers circa 1300-1500 had the sort of PR that tax inspectors and estate agents realtors have now. That is a bit dodgy and on the fiddle! There are hundreds of jokes in medieval joke collections about Bakers! People suspected them of taking a knob of dough out of their loaves to make up another one to sell,that would be profit to them (Bakers Dozen = 13). What's in a name indeed?
Baker's dozen says it all about suspicions of bakers. As for me, my taste buds consider bakers to be their best friend. As for my waistline...
Maureen Lipman is unashamedly Jewish and very funny. A wonderful lady.
Good Shabbos David. Thanks for this.
I love this so much…
Good writing David. I feel fiercely Jewish and I am a hypocrite I guess. I have basically never been to temple. I did not have a bar-mitzvah. My wife is Christian. Yet I feel fiercely Jewish, again perhaps mired in some type of fantasy. I admire Israel. It is a democracy. It is unfairly subjected to a swamp of double standards. It is productive. It is socially liberal and stands by rights for women and gays and blacks. It is surrounded by countries that adhere to an unreformed religion that promotes Byzantine ideations and violence. Does supporting Israel mean I am somehow Jewish? I suppose it does not, as that would make people like Douglas Murray Jewish. But I don’t care. I was born Jewish. My mother was one of the leaders of Americans For A safe Israel. I have an incredible affinity for that country. I reject the media narrative and the narratives of liberals(and now many conservatives) that somehow Jews are murderous and unfair to others. I think the hatred for Jews animates political views that are pure and utter lies. Does any of this make me Jewish? Again, no. But my fierce support of this little tiny country makes me feel Jewish. That is what makes me feel Jewish. Not a visit to a temple. Rather, a pride in and admiration for Israel. Many say any feelings are “valid.” I have always thought this to be nonsense in the service of justifying anything or anyone. And yet, fatuously, I guess I feel Jewish because I am so highly convicted in my support for Israel. Advocating for the survival of a people may be part of being those people if you get my drift. Are my feelings here valid? Probably not when viewed through certain prisms, but I feel how I feel. Go Knicks.
You are Jewish! You just choose to express it in a particular way.
There are many Jews who are fiercely opposed to Israel. I like to remind them of the Law of Return, which means that a Jewish person (one grandparent will suffice) can move to Israel at any time. It is something I hope I will never have to use but it gives me great comfort. And it is one reason I have zero time for anyone who says Israel does not have the right to exist as a Jewish state.
Orthodox (Haredi) Jews do not recognize patrilineal descent as sufficient to be considered Jewish. Only matrilineal descent is...kosher. The Haredi also consider the entire Reformed movement to be...un-Jewish.
But having even one Jewish grandparent is sufficient to obtain Israeli citizenship.
So go figure.
So very touching to read of your family’s journey from LES to 5th Ave, by way of Brooklyn. It underscores that Manhattan, small in a geographic sense, has provided unimaginable opportunity, along with hard choices, to so many. I think Samuel would be very proud of you.
Thanks Jane!
First of all, I affirm your conviction that there is a Geiger counter. I have a theory of how it works. The first Jew I ever met was my pediatrician who stuck a glass thermometer up my ass when I was a toddler in 1953. She had a heavy Mittel European accent. My mom told me that she had been sent by her family to the United States as young woman and was the only survivor of the Holocaust.
Because the Jews who arrived in the United States between 1880 and 1955 spent time in each other's company, they developed a shared American/Middle/Eastern European dialect/accent.
The same thing happened with Italian immigrants to America. You can just tell.
I have been the recipient of such recognition in return. I spent five months in Germany in 1997. After about 4 months of studying German, I began to have the capacity to momentarily fool Germans into not recognizing my foreign origin. But this didn't last long. After speaking a critical number of words, I would see a slight widening of their eyes that revealed a subtle alarm. I could all but hear them think the word "Auslander!" (foreigner).
Kathleen, that seems an unpropitious first encounter with a Jewish person! There is a shared vocabulary and intonations of speech even when the accents have faded away. I notice it more as I get older.
Very interesting - one of your best. I think there can be many Geiger Counters as one approaches people, probably more the older one gets. They can be positive, negative or neutral. Could reflect social awareness, intellectual distinctions, financial, religious, etc. We should evaluate the validity of each one as we start to “hear the clicking”!
That's true Doug. and I just replied above that my sense of who is Jewish has gotten sharper as I've gotten older. Perhaps having met more people and then finding out their backgrounds, the older we are the more "reps" we have of correlations.
I love 💕 this one!!! My friends have struggled with various ways of handing their Jewish identity. My college roommate seems the least conflicted. Some have all but denounced their Jewish identity in an attempt to pass as pro-Palestine or whatever. I have two friends who are handsome and successful young Jewish men of 36. One married a Jewish woman in the Reform temple in the suburbs of Philly. I suspect he and his wife are raising their young daughter Jewish. My other friend married a non Jewish British woman. They are not raising their daughter Jewish and I doubt they will do any differently for their son who is on the way. I confess I’m much happier with my friend who married a Jewish woman and whose kids will therefore be Jewish. Since I’m not Jewish I’m sure many would say I should have no opinion and I never would say anything. But I don’t want to see the Jewish people assimilate into oblivion.
Hi April, it’s interesting to me that you say: “Some have all but denounced their Jewish identity in an attempt to pass as pro-Palestine.” Just to offer another perspective, I am a young millennial (proud) Jew who also happens to be ardently Pro-Palestine and I find that stance of mine to be wholly reflective of my Judaism. Not only is it a continuation of my ancestor's Judaism that included strong diasporic/antizionist views (in cleaning out my grandparents’ house, I found a box of Haggadah from the 1920s in which my great grandfather had crossed out every mention of “next year in Israel.” Again this is a very Jewish familial tradition as well, even if his reasons for being antizionist were different from why I am an antizionist,) but it is also very much of the Judaism in which I was raised to question and interrogate everything (particularly injustice and harm) in order to better understand our own beliefs. That was kind of a big thing for Rabbi Hillel, to ask questions and get philosophical to really understand a viewpoint (which I did, and continue to do when it comes to the colonization of Palestine.) Apologies since I know that wasn’t the main point of your comment, I just find that some Jews who are older than I tend to misinterpret why younger Jews actually see pro-Palestinian advocacy as a very Jewish tradition in many ways, rather than a rejection of our Jewishness.
Abby,
This is such difficult question. I know the historical objections to the State of Israel by the Orthodox, captured so well in the novel The Chosen.
My issue with anti-zionism today is that I cannot imagine and do not want to imagine the Jewish world without a Jewish state of Israel. That's the litmus test for me.
That said, criticism of the Israeli government does not mean one is necessarily anti-semitic. Although I think for many people––I'm not saying you––hatred of Israel becomes indistinguishable from hating Jews. It can be a slippery slope.
Hate Netanyahu and the crazies in his cabinet but do not turn your back on Israel. It will be there for you if ever needed.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! Very interesting story about your great grandfather! As a non Jewish person my support for Israel has to do with support for democracy and Western civilization as well as support for Jewish people in general and specific Israelis in particular. I’ve written extensively about this on my Substack - you’re welcome to check it out if you have time. There’s a lot of other stuff too - cats, tarantulas.
April, I appreciate your thought that assimilation/oblivion would be a loss for the wider world.
There are some Jews who are fiercely anti-zionist. As abby writes below, that does not necessarily mean that they do not identify as Jewish. Some of the most fierce anti-zionists, ever since there was an idea of a Jewish state have been Orthodox Jews.
I think it is existentially important that Israel exist as a Jewish state. But I'm fine with criticisms of the Israeli government and I share some of those critiques.
Totally agree. I do wonder what’s going on when anyone actively supports the terrorists but one can be opposed to the idea of Israel without embracing Hamas.
Also there is a disturbing lack of a Debbie story in this piece. Maybe you could just ask her for a quote on the topic to appease her adoring fans?
Debbie says she was raised to celebrate the Jewish holidays and the celebration was focused on the traditional meals. Debbie learned how to bake from her grandmother and I think she's perfected her honey cake, served for Rosh Hosannah. She also turns out a cast and delicious volume of Hamentoschen for Purim. Apricot and prune.
Adoring fan is happy !
Enjoyed your post David. Thanks for book recommendation.
I love your writing, David. I’m excited every time I come here to catch up on a piece. Thank you for this really thoughtful and smart reflection and family history. 🤍
Thank you for ending this sad piece with Larry David. 😂
Powerful letters from Alfred. Thank you for sharing.
My grandparents were forced to change their names. While it wasn’t a choice one might say given the anti semitism Jews were “forced” to change their names.
It was just in the last couple of years my dad learned that his grandfather’s last name was Israel.
So interesting. Many jews changed their name and I it is hard to judge them as we did not walk in their shoes. Still, my sympathies have been with any great grandfather.
David, what a treasure you have in those three letters. Samuel continues to speak through them, today, he is still showing you his heart. You know, it's such a tender human impulse to want to give our children Beauty. And we hope they remember us beautifully, as well. Strong, wholehearted, and faithful. Thank you for this.
p.s. Years ago, as a young nurse, I worked alongside a Jewish woman--a brilliant, kind, and no-nonsense Director of Nursing Services. One day, on her usual rounds through the ICU, she stopped to chat as usual. It was December and I was probably lamenting my many undone Christmas tasks. She said, "Ann, I've decided to put lights on my bushes this year, because though I am a Jew, I am also a very flashy woman." Oh, how we laughed together. She was just the best.
Thanks Ann for both comments. Hanukkah has a tough time competing with Christmas. So your colleague's comment was both funny and very real. We never had a Hanukkah bush. Lots of open flames involved in lighting the menorah.